For a very long time, I've wanted to have a bikini wax done.  I finally was able to get up the nerve to do it.  What follows is a horrific reenactment of my experience. 

Well, maybe horrific isn't the right word.  Maybe I'm being just a teensy bit dramatic.

I was prepared for the pain. I knew that wouldn’t bother me, and truthfully, it hurt a whole lot less (in general) than getting my eyebrows done. No, I was ready for the pain.

What scared me was the drop-drawers, in-depth scrutiny by the technician herself. I mean, come on, there’s the image of the technician peering at your bits with a magnifying glass. Is she judging? Is she a pervert? What if I’m the pervert? Am I the only one that wonders these things?

It really wasn’t that bad. I went down into the cave (at this salon, the waxing room is in the basement, where the ceilings are super low), where I was told to remove my bottoms while she stepped out of the room. She left me a towel to cover up with, so I wouldn’t feel so exposed.

Calling it a towel was an extremely generous statement. It was more of a glorified face cloth. If I had been relying on it to make myself more comfortable, I would have totally been screwed. I suppose that’s the point, though. It’s mocking smallness was probably to push you towards the inevitable. You know, the inevitable that you’re paying for?

Fortunately, about when she told me to take off my bottoms, it turned from nervousness to a sense of gynecological weariness. From my aesthetician, I immediately got the sense that she’s seen it all, dealt with it all, and don’t worry, you couldn’t even begin to be as bad as the client with Cthulhu’s head peeking out. We ended up having an interesting conversation as she sat there, ripping my hair out. I think a good waxer would keep you talking, as it keeps you from dwelling. Dwelling makes the owwies stronger.

Yes, there was a magnifying glass involved, but by that point I was comfortable enough that she could have probably brought in a parade and I would have been like” keep the noise down, please.”. As far as the pain went, it wasn’t that bad. The very top hurt more than the sides, and the crease where your legs join your body hurt the worst of it all. In general, eyebrow waxing hurts more than this, so if you’ve got that, then if you can get over the mental hurdle, you’ve got this.